Autographs

There have been some recent questions about autographs: Let me give you the low-down.
     I will give autographs on any the following conditions:
1: You have to ask politely
2: You have to be one of my supporters (Eg. Donors to my war)
3: You have to be awesome
4: You have to answer correctly a question I ask you about my page
5: You have to be willing to recieve a roundhouse kick to the face if I feel like doing that
6: You are an awesome celebrity (like Chuck Norris or someone equivalent)
7: You have to provide me with something to write with and/or on (unless of course you want me carving my name into your flesh)

     I will not give autographs on the following conditions:
1: You are a zombie (you will also be "removed" from this plane of existance)
2: You are an asshole (or if I decide you are an asshole at that very moment)
3: You are Mr. Sharp
4: You are a zombie sympathizer or Mr. Sharp sympathizer
5: You have just woken me up
6: You look like you are from the cast of jersey shore
7: You refuse to let me kick you in the face
8: You disagree that Whiskey is awesome

     I hope that this has made your life easier, it has certainly made my refusal to provide an explanation that much better for me. If you have any questions, ask them via comment and if you are lucky you will recieve some sort of answer via however the hell I feel like replying.
     That is all, and don't forget to support my war on Zombies.