Thursday, 11 July 2013

Social media

Because it's the way of the future, I am using more and more social media. I have a Facebook page that many of you have already seen:!/profile.php?id=143010979043095&__user=1674678915
And I am now using twitter. Ignore the previous posts, it's about to get interesting.  Follow me @Feltern
Stay tuned for more updates, aswell as something very special I am working on.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Getting into the business.

Recently I have been getting some questions from people (specifically you Austin Zed Slayer) about getting into the business of zombie extermination.  The best advice I can give you is to stay away from this sort of thing, it is extremely dangerous and likely to turn you into another pain in the ass.  If you are still interested in this job after hearing just how dangerous it is, the next thing I can say is going to have to be DON'T DO IT!!!
Now, I know some of you are going to be stubborn and do it anyway, so I have a list of things you will need to know if you have any intention of surviving your first days.
1) Do not, and I repeat DO NOT undercut me on any jobs.  I will kill you myself, and nobody will have a clue, because your body will never be found.
2) Get off your ass and exercise.  I know everyone says this, but it is extremely important, start some sort of martial art, you will be healthier and more agile.
3) Arm yourself.  Pick a few weapons that will not slow you down, learn to use them, learn to maintain them, and become an expert.  Make sure to carry at least one mele weapon because they don't run out of bullets.
4) Remember that you will get bitten at some point! If you don't want to become a zombie, you might want to invest in some armor.
5) RESPECT LAW ENFORCEMENT! I cannot stress this enough! Don't piss off the cops and they won't shit on your parade.  Best way not to piss off the police? Adhere to local laws, it's really that simple.
6) Education! Research as much as possible, learn how to keep fluids out of your face and learn as much as possible about any and all dangers related to your specific area, and any varieties of zombies you are likely to encounter.
7) Don't tell all of your secrets to people. Save some for yourself if you want to be anything but a corpse.

For everyone reading this, I am not suggesting that you go anywhere near zombies, in fact I would prefer you would completely avoid them.  I want to emphasize that if you want to get into this business, I assume no liability from anything you have seen, or imagined seeing anywhere on this blog.

Good luck to anyone crazy enough to get involved, just remember not to get bitten and not to go anywhere near and of my jobs.