F***ING WASPS

Last week I got a call to remove some zombies from a property in a community
I arrived expecting to see the 4 zombies I was told about. There were no zombies, only wasps.

FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT DEAL WITH WASPS. I deal with zombies and the odd gnome. Do not start expecting me to get rid of your general pests. I charge 10X as much and only after the fact.

At least there are photos this time.

That's right, I used a cane and a gun to kill wasps. Problem?

Let's just say that the property owner will not be calling me again. She was very unhappy with me for charging her extra, maybe she should have been honest with me first.

The North

Well, as some of you might already know that I have been asked to clear out a small town of their zombie problem. As I happen to value my customer's discretion, I have not taken any photos (To protect this small community's privacy.) So for all my loyal fans, here is an artist's depiction of me killing zombies in this small northern community.
Enjoy

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

This has been a difficult few weeks for me. First we have some guy eating another guy's face in the US, next we have this Zombie walk coming to Vanvouver. I am not impressed.
I work my ass off, but I have standards. On one hand, I want to be paid, and the other hand: a shit ton of Zombies. I will have to attend, this is very upsetting to me, but I guess I have to do what I have to do...
Don't bother looking for me there tho, there's a good chance I will be undercover (Got into some trouble a while back because of my "Antics" and would rather not have any more issues)
So on that note, here is the link: http://www.facebook.com/events/268230029856866/
I am not impressed, but there is work that needs to be done. Maybe I get to try out my new "Toy"
(Stay tuned for photos of my new toy)

Also, I elected myself camp president. This is what it would look like if you were here with me.


You're welcome un-nameable camp

Camp

As some of you may already know... I have been in a work camp for the last while. Now because my client has remained anonymous, I have to make sure that I do not specify certain details: For example, it is a work camp; this could mean mining, forestry, etc. I will also not say where I am; I am somewhere far from Vancouver, but still in North America.
The reason I am writing this, is that I have no clue why I am up here (tho the money is very good) There are no zombies, no gnomes, and I haven't heard from that asshole Mr. Sharp for a while now. Basically all I have been doing while up here, is sitting on my ass, eating, and going to the gym (Can't lose my physique)
I have just recieved a new task for the rest of the week. Some asshole stole a drawer. I haven't a clue why anyone would bother stealing a drawer, but I guess if it's not bolted down...
Keep checking back for more, I won't be here forever.

Suggestions for you if you see me

Recently I've had a lot of questions from people, the two that are at the top of my head right now are: "Feltern, what drink should I buy you if I see you at a bar?" and oddly enough: "Feltern, what do you like to eat on your food?"

Now I don't exactly know why people want to know what I like on my food, but for god's sake I get paid to "get rid of" zombies... That being said, I am more than willing to answer both questions

If you see me at a bar, here is a list of drinks to buy for me:
Whiskey
Scotch on the rocks (I prefer when you make it a double and hold the ice)
Bourbon
Whiskey
Whiskey and Whiskey
Whiskey and Cola
Rye
Beer
Beer and a shot of Whiskey
A shot of Whiskey and a Beer
Grapefruit Juice
Whiskey and Grapefruit juice
Margaritas

Disclaimer: If you try and drug me, I will be forced to pull both of your arms off and beat you senseless with them. You might wake up in a dumpster (I'm talking to you Mr. Sharp)

As far as things I like on my food, I would much prefer putting them onto the food myself, but here goes:
Whiskey
Hot Sauce
Jalapeno Peppers
BBQ sauce
Cayenne Pepper

I hope that helps you make choices, stay tuned for more updates

Happy zombie weekend?

I say there's nothing happy about anything to do with zombies s...