Vancouver Police

Aaand As usual, I have nothing but great things to say about the Vancouver Police Department. I came accross a fight between some drunken idiot, and Santa. Naturally I did step in, but as neither of them happen to be zombies, all I could do was stop the fight until the Police arrived.
I am quite impressed with the way that the the police handled the situation, and I look forward to working with them again in the future.
Merry Christmas (or whatever other holiday you choose to or not to celebrate)
Good night all, you will hear more about the holiday insanity soon (lots more)

Disclaimer

I got some hate mail today. Seems someone (who shall remain nameless) has decided to attempt to copy what I do. He was bitten, now I have to "remove" this idiot from existance. Now the main issue here is: DO NOT TRY WHAT I DO AT HOME (or anywhere else for that matter) unless accompanied by a certified Zombie Removal Specialist such as Myself. Moreover do not even look at this site, it is offensive (although in this day and age, I don't know what is not offensive to at least someone)
By accessing this page you waive any rights to annoy the hell out of me, sue me or any of my associates for anything at all, or do anything else rediculous.
Remember that Zombies are no laughing matter, they are hazardous to your health, annoying, smell bad and are not cheap to deal with.
Lastly, have a sende of humour and don't forget how awesome I am.

Gnomes

I regret to inform everyone that the catch and relocate program set out by our provincial government concerning gnomes has been a failure. More work is needed, but expect to see a proactive euthanasia program on the books very soon.

Old stuff

Here are some of the older photos I have
Figured I would share them with you again

Found this at a magazine stand in Downtown Vancouver

Dealing with a Zombie Sympathizer

Not even sure what to say...

You're welcome

Sad day

Today is a sad day. my good friend Russel was killed last night by a zombie (don't worry, he won't be passing the infection onto anyone) I will be very upset for the next while, but I am not cancelling tomorrow's try outs. To honour Russel, I have posted photos of my "removal" of this zombie.  Russel, we will miss you.

 Remember kids, I am a professional. A very pissed off professional. Never ever touch a zombie

I guess you could say that problem was "removed"

Try outs!

Great news everyone. You have been begging and pleading for it, and now it gets to happen. You now have a chance to join Feltern's Zombie Removal. I will be hosting costume try outs (we can call it phase one) on Saturday night at Club 23 west (23 west Cordova in Vancouver) starting after midnight. They are having their annual military fetish night. If you have any questions, leave them in the comments. Thanks
This will be what I consider phase one of the try outs. If you are selected, you will be invited to phase two. I will post information on phase two at a later date.

Thanks everyone, and Good Luck!

Not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel...

As the title says, I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel right now. I have been asked to entertain at a kid's birthday. 5year old Connor (not his real name) has been begging his parents to get me to his birthday. I have no idea what a 5 yearold is doing looking at my site in the first place, and it will be a difficult decision as to whether I will attend. Please do not let your children look at my page.page.